Whether leave or remain it is time to end the special case mythology

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at the heart of Europe, Brexit, Britain, Corbyn, empire, Europe, European Union, ever closer union, Leave, May, nationhood, Remain, special case, special relationship

All sides in the Brexit debate consciously or unconsciously peddle the mythology that Britain is a “special case”

Those who still long for us to remain “at the heart of Europe” quietly forget to mention that Britain always slightly sat on the side of the European project.  We did not join in with the Euro.  We carefully avoided anything that hinted at fostering “ever closer union”.  We demanded limitations on freedom of movement when new countries joined the Union and were for ever going on about our rebate.  We always wanted to claim that Britain was a special case and so, although part of Europe, should be allowed to behave differently.

Those who favour a soft Brexit believe that because Britain is a special case, the EU will want to negotiate a special deal with us, allowing us special terms and conditions to trade etc because, after all, we are so important to Europe – what ever relationship the EU has developed with other non EU-nations, our relationship will be different because we are special.

Those who favour a hard Brexit are bullish because the rest of the world knows we are special and will want to make trade agreements with us.  Why would you not want a special deal with Britain?  And of course some point to our “special relationship” with the USA – surely the original fake news item and this more often seems like embarrassing begging – and even if it were true do we really want a special relationship with a Trump-led America?  Is that really the best we can do for an ally?

There is no one party in the this process that is more patriotic and all in their own way want the best for this country. However we need to understand none of this makes our country a special case.  We are one nation among many nation and as the centre of global power shifts away from the West, and other economies start to flourish, the days of special pleading for any one nation are over.

In part the idea of seeing ourselves as a special case reflects our loss of identity as a nation and our uncertainty where we belong in the world order.  This is a process that has been happening since the decline of empire.  Our role in the global order can no longer depend on our former history rather it has to be about a vision for ourselves in the new emerging world order.

The reality is that whatever kind of Brexit is achieved, it is going to take the nation awhile to find its feet again.  There is going to be a wilderness period and most likely it will be Britain post-May and post-Corbyn – perhaps another ten years – before we emerge to clearer water.  But this is not bad news – wilderness experiences are important.  They are times for conversations and reflections, a time to rediscover our common identity, to agree the kind of nation we want to be and the part we want to play in the world.

So please, no more special pleading, no more delusions about being a special case.  And similarly no more wringing of hands – this is a moment to begin a conversation we have put off for too long.  Who does Britain want to be in the 21st century and what part can Britain play in building a more peaceful and just world.?

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Grave Talk: learning to talk about the inevitable

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being prepared, Church of England, Crematorium, Death Café, Dying, Funeral Director, Funerals, Grave talk, Graveyard, Last Wishes, taboo

Awaiting the birth of a new baby is full of hope and excitement and, as with any momentous moment, also a little fear and nervousness. Antenatal classes do their best to prepare the expectant parents. A special place or room is prepared at home with decorations, and toys and one or two special clothes. A cot and pushchair are placed on order as expectations grow and the moment of birth draws closer. Although it is never enough, we try our hardest to be as best prepared as we can.

And once born and the arrival of new life has been celebrated, there is one inevitability that is kept a secret, that by unspoken agreement we refrain from talking about. And those who break this pact are regarded as doom mongers, people to be avoided, harbingers of bad luck.

The truth that we are all trying so hard to avoid is that we are all going to die. Although it is the one absolute certainty of our lives nobody wants to talk about it. Where are the ante-mortem classes, where are the signs of preparation at home, where are the conversations about choice of our final resting place and of our type of coffin?

Death has become increasingly hidden away. Once around every parish church, at the heart of each community, was a graveyard, where there was always the sight of a fresh burial and as the hearse drove by all would stop and stand in silence and men would doff their hats. Now Crematorium are built in out of the way the locations where only those who need to use them pass by and the passing of the hearse is regarded as an encumbrance to speeding traffic.

Yet for all the pact of secrecy, and however hard we try to avoid it death will come. And whilst public conversations about this subject are few and far between, each of us, if we are honest, will find ourselves pondering our own death, not least its when, where and how?

So can we change this death avoiding culture? If there are preparations for birth, can we not also have preparation for death? Death Café, and the Church of England version, Grave Talk, provide an opportunity, over tea and cake to talk about death, dying and funerals. Such occasions seek to provide a chance to talk about death, think about your funeral, ask questions, air your thoughts.

To face up to death, to even dare to befriend death, helps both us and those we leave behind. This is not just a conversation for when we know our last days are approaching but to think about now when we are relatively fit and healthy. Such conversations help us take stock of our lives and re-assess our priorities. It means when others may have to make decisions on our behalf, when perhaps we are too weak, too confused, to express our wishes, they will know what we would want. And when we die it is a great comfort for our loved ones to know that they are following our wishes. The best funerals are when we know that the hymns, reading and music are exactly what the deceased would have wished; it makes the service one last precious shared experience.

Norwich Cathedral seeks to be a safe place to have difficult conversations. So amidst the season of Remembrance, and when some in the city will be marking the Mexican Festival of the Dead, the Cathedral is organising, in the Weston Room, Grave Talk on Saturday 11^th November, 10.00am – 12noon. There will be tea and cake. There will be talk. There will be questions. This is for people of all faiths and doubts; drop in any time. There will be resources to help you think about these last things of life. There will be a solicitor, a funeral director, a priest and other people like yourself wanting a chance to talk about death.

It is time to break the taboo, to talk about the inevitable and learn to be as comfortable talking about death as about birth. Some may want to say that this is all too depressing but those who have learnt to engage in grave talk find it brings, comfort, re-assurance and peace. None of this to deny the fear, anxiety or sorrow that thoughts of death may also bring but it is to dare to say that it is love not death that has the final say in life.